Princeton University

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Princeton University[1] is the Anti-Columbia. Think of it as the Ivy League Anti-Christ. They stand for everything we hate:

  • New Jersey (There's a reason we call Princeton the deodorant[2] in the arm-pit of America).
  • Open Space.
  • Elitist Eating clubs
  • WASPy pedigrees
  • Suburban indolence
  • Country-club air
  • A strong emphasis on undergraduate education.

Princeton had the temerity to reject the application of Alexander Hamilton. He later returned the favor by firing a cannon at Nassau Hall during the Battle of Princeton in the Revolutionary War when the British refused his order to surrender the building. Within minutes of Hamilton's devastating bombardment, they trooped out, hands in the air.

They also graduated Aaron Burr, who was so upset at the inferior quality of his education that he killed Alexander Hamilton in a jealous fit of rage.

Playwright Tony Kushner ridiculed Princeton during his 2004 Class Day address. Admittedly, that's not exactly very hard to do.

Notes

  1. STOP SAYING THAT
  2. it isn't quite strong enough
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