Difference between revisions of "Cornell University"

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[[Image:Cornell.jpg|thumb|Cornell students visit Ithaca's beautiful gorges to engage in their school's most popular pastime: drowning<ref>Unfortunately, this is actually true.  However, the suicide rates of Cornell undergrads is dead average.  The gorges are simply a popular place to commit suicide for Cornell and non-Cornell people alike, which gets Cornell a lot of bad publicity.  See question 9. http://ezra.cornell.edu/posting.php?timestamp=1045112400</ref>]]
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[[Image:Cornell.jpg|thumb|Cornell students visit Ithaca's beautiful gorges]]
  
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'''Cornell University''' (as it is called by students and alumni), or '''SUNY Ithaca''' (as it is called by everybody else) is [[New York State]]'s other [[Ivy League]] school. Located in some far-off upstate wilderness, it's known for being filled with Columbia rejects, having a [[SUNY]] agriculture school, and a hotel management academy. In addition, it was recently discovered that they have an "Interior Design" major. And it's not even in the Hotel School.
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Cornell University is located in the town of Ithaca in central New York state.
  
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Cornell students are often noted for their insistence on reminding everyone that they went to an Ivy League school. For example, when alumni from each of the eight Ivy League schools were asked where they attended college, they responded:
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Once called "the first American university" by educational historian Frederick Rudolph, Cornell University represents a distinctive mix of eminent scholarship and democratic ideals. Adding practical subjects to the classics and admitting qualified students regardless of nationality, race, social circumstance, gender, or religion was quite a departure when Cornell was founded in 1865.
  
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:[[Harvard]] Grad: I attended Harvard University.
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Today's Cornell reflects this heritage of egalitarian excellence. It is home to the nation's first colleges devoted to hotel administration, industrial and labor relations, and veterinary medicine. Both a private university and the land-grant institution of New York State, Cornell University is the most educationally diverse member of the Ivy League.
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:[[Yale]] Grad: I went to Yale.
 
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:[[Princeton]] Grad: I went to Princeton.
 
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:Columbia Grad: I went to Columbia.
 
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:[[Dartmouth]] Grad: I went to Dartmouth.
 
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:[[Brown]] Grad: I went to Brown.
 
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:[[Penn]] Grad: I went to Penn...the Ivy League, not the state school.
 
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:Cornell Grad: I have an Ivy League education.
 
  
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Needless to say, Cornell students and alumni are extremely self-conscious of their position at the bottom rung of the Ivy League ladder, and thus carry an enormous inferiority complex around with them. For instance, observing Cornell fans at Columbia sporting events (disgusting gloating when they win, vociferous bitching when they lose) will reveal that they possess the greatest inferiority complex to Columbia out of all the Ivies.  The little-guy mentality also manifests itself in their [http://mb.bigredbands.org/ decidedly fascist marching band], which can only be understood as another failed attempt by Cornell to rise above her smaller, brighter cousins.
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On the Ithaca campus alone nearly 20,000 students representing every state and 120 countries choose from among 4,000 courses in 11 undergraduate, graduate, and professional schools. Many undergraduates participate in a wide range of interdisciplinary programs, play meaningful roles in original research, and study in Cornell programs in Washington, New York City, and the world over.
  
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Cornell students also tend to don "Ithaca Is Gorges" shirts. These reflect pride in the university's dramatic rate of picturesque [[suicide]]s, in which it once rivaled [[NYU]].  Recently, the suicide rate has come down a bit.  However, this only occurred after the Cornell administration established a totalitarian state in which all student movements are watched and dissenters are sent to labor camps in Alaska.<ref>http://online.wsj.com/public/article/SB119881134406054777.html?mod=blog</ref> You can't drown yourself in ice.
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Source: http://www.cornell.edu/about/
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== References ==
 
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<references />
 
  
 
[[Category:Universities]]
 
[[Category:Universities]]

Revision as of 22:36, 24 September 2009

Cornell students visit Ithaca's beautiful gorges

Cornell University is located in the town of Ithaca in central New York state.

Once called "the first American university" by educational historian Frederick Rudolph, Cornell University represents a distinctive mix of eminent scholarship and democratic ideals. Adding practical subjects to the classics and admitting qualified students regardless of nationality, race, social circumstance, gender, or religion was quite a departure when Cornell was founded in 1865.

Today's Cornell reflects this heritage of egalitarian excellence. It is home to the nation's first colleges devoted to hotel administration, industrial and labor relations, and veterinary medicine. Both a private university and the land-grant institution of New York State, Cornell University is the most educationally diverse member of the Ivy League.

On the Ithaca campus alone nearly 20,000 students representing every state and 120 countries choose from among 4,000 courses in 11 undergraduate, graduate, and professional schools. Many undergraduates participate in a wide range of interdisciplinary programs, play meaningful roles in original research, and study in Cornell programs in Washington, New York City, and the world over.

Source: http://www.cornell.edu/about/

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