University of Chicago

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See also Wikipedia's article about "University of Chicago".

The University of Chicago is better known as the Place Where Fun Goes to Die. Students even wear T-shirts proclaiming this sad fact. In fact, the university has such a frightening reputation that few apply, and thus almost half get in. Students take pride in the so-called "Uncommon Application," since there is little else about which to be proud.

A relatively cheerful snapshot of typical, day to day student life at Chicago

Student Characteristics

  • Lack of interesting characteristics
  • Emotional insecurity issues nearly on the same order as Cornell[1]
  • Abstains from quietly attempting to sabotage inferior students through pointless Wikipedia-like pages[2]

Urban Campus

U of C is located in Hyde Park of the South Side of Chicago, surrounded by the most bomobed-out, ghetto part of the entire city (anyone who asserts that Columbia is in the same situation seriously needs to visit Chicago and see for him/herself). Students usually do not travel after dark for fear of getting jacked. Furthermore, the fact that University of Chicago's Police is second in size to the Chicago Police Department hardly quells these fears.

Academics

Chicago claims to have either an older or more rigorous Core Curriculum than Columbia. According to a WikiCU contributor whose IP we tracked to the city of Chicago[3] (we wonder which university he/she went to), "the University of Chicago's Core Cirriculum is generally recognized as superior to Columbia's in both depth and difficulty". Such assertions are dubious. In fact, Chicago's so-called Core was inspired by Columbia's; it was founded on the teachings of lifelong Columbian and Core advocate Mortimer Adler. We can agree, though, that our schools are superior to those institutions which don't believe any such rigor is required.

However, Columbia did plagiarize the concept for its Committee on Global Thought from Chicago's prestigious Committee on Social Thought.

Chicago advocates also often claim that economist Milton Friedman belongs to their own "Chicago School of Economics". This claim is also flawed, since, as everyone at Columbia knows, Friedman was both a student and professor at our great institution. Nevertheless, we're happy to let UChicago have its "school" and all the financial and economic calamities it's wrought.

Athletics

The University of Chicago's official color (and team name) is Maroon. Need we comment further? It's a lame color (a sort of dull Crimson, appropriately enough) that the university chose because it was incapable of choosing a real animal. Unofficially, the university uses the Phoenix which is present on its shield. The University of Chicago chose this mythical creature to represent the rebirth of the city of Chicago and the original university that burnt down with it during the Great Chicago Fire. But that's what you get when you build a city mostly out of wood. Shouldn't kids who study too hard to have any fun know that?

References