Barnard jokes

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Barnard Jokes are an institution at Columbia. It's just part of Columbia life.

Common venues

Bwog comments and other online fora

The high degree of anonymity on Bwog and other online discussion fora, such as Bored@Butler, contribute to a high frequency of Barnard jokes. The same individuals who contribute such jokes online would likely not risk offending Barnard students in person (especially if such Barnard students are highly attractive).


Repeated attempts to add a "Barnard jokes" section to wikipedia's Columbia article have been thwarted by a--curiously--few number of overzealous administrators

Humorless attempts to explain away the joking

Some people who can't deal with Barnard jokes resort to structuralist justifications as to why the phenomenon takes place and is so widespread. Some of these include the notions that:

  • Jokes are also kept alive by freshmen who feel the need to revel in feelings of superiority over someone. They usually just need to get over themselves.
  • Barnard women are actually considered prettier than Columbia women, and that many of the jokes such as those mentioned above are perpetuated by freshmen who want to feel included, and Columbia girls who resent Columbia men's preference for Barnard women.

List of common Barnard jokes

  • By and large, Barnard girls are Bi and Large.
  • Barnard: Where the odds are good but the goods are odd.
  • Why did the Columbia student cross the street? To get a blow job.
  • Why did the Barnard student cross the street? To get an education.
  • Barnard to Bed, Columbia to Wed
  • Why is Barnard on the West side of Broadway? So if the Hudson floods, all of the dykes will protect Columbia.
  • A Barnard girl goes down quicker than the vodka it took to make her look pretty.
  • Barnard girls are lesbians that steal Columbia girls' boyfriends.
  • Not all Barnard girls were rejected by CC... Some were rejected by SEAS.
  • Alternative version: Not all Barnard girls were rejected by CC... Some were rejected by GS.
  • We'll stop bashing Barnard when Barnard stops sucking.
  • What's the smartest thing to come out of a Barnard girl's mouth... a Columbia guy's...
  • What do Barnard girls and Columbia girls have in common? They both got in to Barnard.
  • How many Barnard girls does it take to screw in a lightbulb? That's Barnard women and it's not funny.