Finals

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Finals are a biannual holiday celebrated at Columbia.

In a series of ceremonies that can last up to 7 days, students are rewarded for their semester-long practice of putting things off with gifts of massive panic and binge studying. Crucial to the legend of this holiday are the mythological students who have been keeping up with their work all semester and are unconcerned about finals.

The holiday is celebrated with soft weeping and empty promises to reform study habits.

Ironically, studying can become increasingly difficult during the finals study period. The mind must contend with such distractions as the Varsity Show, Orgo Night, the annual KCST spring show, an annual pillow fight, and various opportunities to get drunk or meet friends at "study breaks". Meanwhile, the body suffers too. It is forced to digest vast quantities of junk food as students substitute eating for sleeping. Perhaps worse, it endures significant doses of coffee, and even mind-enhancing drugs like adderall. And there are still other miseries like the lack of study space in Butler Library. Many students turn to Boredatcolumbia to let out their frustration, often sexual. The culmination comes with the biannual primal scream.

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